Clawdeen: Open the door or I'll huff and I'll puff... Piggy: Not with those lungs, you won't! Clawdeen: Okay, I'll get a shotgun then! I'll be back! Frank: That's more like it, but you need to be more menacing, Clawdeen.
Greta: I hope I'm not interrupting. Frank: Not at all. Are you here for the reason I'm hoping for? Greta: Yes. I'll do it. Frank: Great! Ladies, this is Greta. She'll be the evil queen. Greta, these are Piggy and Clawdeen. Clawdeen: We were just rehearsing the breaking and entering scene. Piggy: You don't need the outfit yet. The dress rehearsal won't be any time soon. Greta: This isn't a theatrical outfit. I always dress like this. Clawdeen: Really? That's so cool!
Greta: Little scrawny for a big bad wolf. Frank: I told you this isn't a traditional take on the stories. Besides, Clawdeen is a really good actress. A little young, of course, but in a few years she could be a star. Greta: And where did you find Piggy? She looks like she could eat the wolf.
Laura: Frank's got some urgent business to deal with, so he asked me to give you the summary of the play as some of you just got the script. But first, introductions. Greta is the Queen, Piggy is the Queen's treasurer, Clawdeen is Wolf, who's Queen's... um, enforcer, Joey is the Prince, and Lucy is Snow White. You'll meet the rest of the cast later. We're still a couple of dwarfs short, but... uh, I mean... Piggy: Isn't Lucy a bit too old to be Snow White? No offense, Lucy, but I've always thought that Snow White is a teenager. Laura: This isn't the traditional story of an innocent young girl and a wicked Queen, but a story of an active power struggle between two women, older and younger. The idea is to portray Snow White as an active party to the whole thing, not just somebody to whom things happen, like it's normally done. Lucy: Actually, that's why I accepted the part. Laura: So, let me explain how it goes: The evil Queen is actually Snow White's mother, not a stepmother, and she's the reigning Queen on her own right. Piggy is the Queen's treasurer and she has embezzled money from the Queen, so the Queen has sent the Wolf to deal with her. The Prince stops the Wolf, because Piggy is his informant as he is actually on a spying mission. Snow White knows this, but she doesn't mind, because all she wants is a kingdom, either the Queen's or the Prince's or preferably both. Snow White's figured out that the Queen wants her dead, so she's planning to use the Prince to fix things. Then the Prince falls in love with the Wolf, and Snow White gets really pissed off, so she arms the dwarfs and talks the Hunter to her side by promising that he can be the prime minister, and together they get rid of the Queen. Then Snow White becomes the new Queen and throws the Wolf in jail and kicks the Prince out of the country. The dwarfs all get high positions in the court. Then the Prince's youngest brother comes for a visit as his father has sent him to try to improve the relations between the countries after the Crown Prince botched everything. Snow White likes the brother, because he's a genuinely nice and honest guy, and they get married and he becomes the Prince Consort while Snow White has all the real power. And then they live happily ever after, or at least until Snow White's daughter gets to her teens and her mother starts eyeing her suspiciously...
Schizo: You look a bit young to be here on your own. Caroline: I'm not. On my own, I mean. My foster mom's in the next room, talking with her friends. She said I can look around as much as I want. Schizo: Well, that's all right then. Caroline: Are you a pervert? Schizo: No. Why do you ask? Because I talked to you? Caroline: You look like a creep. Schizo: Little girl, haven't you learned yet that the real perverts look very normal? It's their disguise. Caroline: I guess you're right. So, are you saying you're a nice guy? Schizo: Not exactly, but I'm harmless to minors. Caroline: Okay. - I met a pervert once. Schizo: Really? Did he look like a creep? Caroline: No. He was the high school football coach living next door to my then foster family. Schizo: That sounds bad. What happened? Caroline: He came over one day when there was only me and the housekeeper there and the housekeeper was taking a nap in her room. He was acting really creepy, so I stuck a tranquilizer dart into him. He was still out cold when my foster parents came home. Schizo: Where did you get the dart? Caroline: From my foster father's study. He worked in animal control. They use the darts for big animals. You know, when they need to be moved away from people. Schizo: So you didn't even misuse the thing. And what happened then? Caroline: The police came and they took the coach away for questioning. Later, I had to move to another foster family. Schizo: Why? You didn't do anything wrong, if he was acting improperly. Caroline: That's what my foster father said, but his wife got all hysterical. She was going to have a baby, and she said I was dangerous. I wouldn't have done anything to the baby. I like babies and they never hurt anybody.
Caroline: Actually, I met another creepy guy later. He offered me money to do stuff. Schizo: What kind of stuff? Caroline: I'm not quite sure. We never got to that. I was in another foster family then, and there was a boy there who had this stuff that "makes the lights go out in two minutes." I don't know why he needed it, but I had stolen some of it, and so I put it in that guy's drink when we got to his home. Schizo: Sounds like a very good idea. Then what? Caroline: He passed out, just like Billy had said. Then I took all the cash I could find, used his computer to surf to web sites that tell you how to make bombs, and used his credit card to order a lot of fertilizer. The web sites said you can use that to make a bomb. Then I left. Schizo: And you never saw him again? Caroline: I did, in the news a couple of weeks later. The police had gone to his house, because they thought he was going to blow something up, and they found some bad pictures in his computer. I think he's in jail now. Schizo: Serves him right. What about Billy? Caroline: What about him? Oh! Yes, he noticed that some of that stuff was gone, but I told him what I did with it and gave him half of the money, so he didn't mind. He said I'm the coolest girl he had ever met. Schizo: I bet you are. - Why did you steal the stuff in the first place? Caroline: From that dart thing I learned that making them sleep is the easiest way. Then I can do anything I want to get them into trouble. Schizo: Very clever.
Caroline: You know, I think I like you. Schizo: Really? Why? Caroline: You're a good listener, and you're sensible. Schizo: I think a lot of people would disagree with you on that. Caroline: But you are! Like when I told you about how I made the coach sleep, you didn't say that I shouldn't even know what a tranquilizer dart is. You just asked the most logical question. Where did I get one? And you're not lecturing me about how it is always wrong to hurt other people, no matter what the circumstances. Schizo: Because it isn't always wrong. I've seen a lot of things in my life, and I really cannot feel the least bit sorry for a pervert who gets what he deserves. I just hope you limit it to hurting people who deserve it. Caroline: Of course. I've never hurt anybody who didn't hurt me first. Except of course for the pre-emptive strikes, you know, making those guys sleep. Pre-emptive strike, isn't that a neat expression? I learned it from a book about war strategy. Schizo: And how did you end up reading something like that? Caroline: In one of my foster families. Their son was in a military academy. He taught me to fight when his parents weren't around. Schizo: You mean he was bullying you and you fought back? Caroline: I guess you could say that. He was mean to me, and I punched him hard, and he started explaining how I was doing it all wrong. In the end, he taught me all sorts of things he had learned at school. You know, stuff you can do when you're fighting with someone bigger than you. Schizo: Dirty tricks? Caroline: He said there's no such thing as a dirty trick, if someone much bigger than you tries to smash your head in.
Caroline: This African lady needs a super-sized burger or two. Schizo: You think so? Caroline: Look at her. I'm sure anyone that thin could die any moment. Schizo: Good thing she's just a statue. Ellen: Schizo, I'm surprised to see you here. Schizo: Why? I'm very interested in art. Ellen: Somehow I got a different impression last time. - I see you've met Caroline. Schizo: Yes, we've been having a very interesting conversation. She said you're her foster mother. I didn't realize you're married. Ellen: I'm not. I know it isn't usual to have a single foster parent, but the situation isn't usual either. Caroline: Nobody wants me, so they were desperate, because they can't put me into an orphanage where I would teach other kids bad habits all day long. Schizo: Don't worry, you can still do that at school. Ellen: Caroline, you shouldn't think that way. They just want all children to have a family, if possible, and if it means bending the rules a little, then that's how it's going to be. - Oh, I see one of the financers of my study. I need to go and talk with him. You just enjoy the art. There's something in the next room that you might find more interesting than these statues.
Caroline: She was right, this is much better! I mean, there's nothing wrong with those statues of pretty ladies, but dragons are just great! Schizo: I think I prefer pretty ladies. Real ones, if possible. Caroline: You like my foster mom, don't you? Schizo: She seems nice. Caroline: But she has really strange ideas. You know, she actually thinks that everybody's good to start with and bad people are bad because something went wrong later. And she thinks you can fix whatever went wrong and make those people good again. Schizo: Much too idealistic, I agree. Caroline: She thinks she can fix me. Schizo: Really? Is there something to fix? Still, it's good to have that kind of people around. Balances the perpetual gloom of some other people. Caroline: People like you? Schizo: I'm not gloomy, I'm a realist.
Schizo: How do you like this one? Caroline: I like horses, but it should be bigger. You know, like, really big, so it would be scary. But it's still cool. Schizo: I thought you'd like it. Caroline: I think I need to go now. Will I see you again? Schizo: I don't know. Would you like to? Caroline: I think so. I mean, it would be nice if we could be friends. You're so relaxed about everything. I'm tired of people saying I shouldn't be doing the things I'm doing. Schizo: I know what you mean. Ellen, your foster mother, knows where to find me. Caroline: Will she tell me? Schizo: I don't know, but I'll only see you again, if she will. You can't go sneaking around behind her back. Caroline: Yes, I can. Schizo: Well, let's say then that I won't do it.
Schizo: I thought you didn't drink. Felicia: Excuse me? Who are you? Schizo: So now you don't even remember me? Come on, it's not like I was rude or anything. Felicia: Maybe you haven't been rude before, but now you are. Who are you? Schizo: You mean...? But we just met the other day. You're Tori, right? Felicia: I should have realized. I'm Felicia, Tori's big sister. And you are? Schizo: Schizo. I'm sorry, but you look just like her. Felicia: If you don't count the tail. Schizo: Tail? Doesn't she...? Oh yes, she was sitting, and I guess I just assumed... Felicia: That she had one, but it wasn't in sight. I know. So, where did you meet her?
Felicia: People always think I'm Tori or she's me, although we are very different, if you look past the hair and markings. But I guess that's too much to ask. After all, we all look the same. Schizo: Not at all, although you and Tori look remarkably similar, except for the... Felicia: Tail. It's nothing to get embarrassed about. I'm sure you know that even the same parents can have different kind of half-breed children. I just happened to be a bit luckier. Schizo: Certainly most non-felines would take you for a full feline, but I know felines are a lot pickier in these things.
Felicia: Hey, look at that. What or who do you think that is? Eddie: Whisky for me, thank you. Schizo: Don't do it, Honey. He's a minor. Honey: You sure? It's a bit difficult to know with the short ones. Schizo: Quite sure. Much too small to be an adult. Eddie: Hey, don't talk like I'm not here! I am not a minor! Schizo: Yes, you are. You can't fool me. Why don't you just wait a few years like everyone else? You'll have plenty of time to dissolve your brain cells with the stuff later. Eddie: I bet you've done your fair share of dissolving. Schizo: You've got to come up with something better, if you want to insult me. - Honey, just give him a Coke, that's strong enough for him. I'll pay. Eddie: I can pay for my own drinks! Schizo: You really are trying hard to be obnoxious. Okay then, pay it yourself, I don't care. Honey: I'll get you a stool. The one over there seems a bit too small for you. Eddie: Are you trying to say I'm fat? Honey: I'm saying you wouldn't be comfortable in that one.
Schizo: You got a name or is it too insulting to ask? Eddie: Eddie. What's yours? Schizo: Schizo. Feel free to joke about it. I've heard it all a dozen times already. - This is Felicia. Eddie: You keep company with cats? Felicia: Not a nice way to make a first impression. Eddie: Sorry. Felines. Schizo: That's better. If only you could make it sound a little less like an insult. Eddie: Whatever. How did you know I'm too young? Schizo: Like I said, you're too small. Eddie: But how did you know that? Schizo: I'm familiar with adults of your kind, of course. I'm not saying I've met them, but I know about them. - So, how does it feel to be an annoyingly cute ball of blubber with a bad temper? Eddie: What?! Schizo: Which part did you not understand? It was a simple enough question. Eddie: It was also rude. Schizo: And you're not?
Honey: Bunny, you look absolutely adorable! Have you been to a costume party? Bunny: No, Eggsy and I went to a talent show. Honey: Really? What did you do? Eggzorcist: We played a bit of Alice in Wonderland. Bunny was Alice and I was the White Rabbit. Honey: That's an interesting twist. How did it go? Bunny: Unfortunately, the judges weren't interested. They said they wanted something with more action. Eggzorcist: I gave them some action. I triggered the fire alarm on our way out. Teehee!